Good evening guys and ghouls! Welcome to another edition of “Lowbrow Movie Reviews”, the one place you can get stupid simple reviews on the hidden gems that you probably don’t know about. Have you heard of “Night of the Creeps”? Yea that’s what I thought. But that leads me into tonights fantastic and brilliant topic of discussion which is this beautiful and remarkable (is that enough adjectives?) film from 1986 starring Tom Atkins and Jason Lively of “European Vac…” ah who am I kidding this dude is of “Night of the Creeps” fame! Let me preface this whole thing by saying that this movie is straight up an 80’s film. What do I mean by that you ask? Well guys there are a few things that make a movie an “80’s movie.” 1) You have to have a prototypical blonde jerk/asshole/frat daddy. 2) There MUST be an adorable/cute/dorky protagonist. 3) No way around it, but you NEED a hawt babe who dates the prototypical blondie who ends up falling for the dork. 4) Toss in the supporting character who provides comic relief who you know immediately from the opening credits he will die via an alien slug turning him into a fucking zombie. Okay so that last part isn’t essential, but it sure does add a little spice. On top of all that we have a fucking serial killer (dead then undead), aliens (where is Fox Mulder when you need him) and enough genre tropes to keep your eyes bulging from your skull the entire 90min runtime. Let me ALSO preface this by saying that within the first 10min we have aliens (who have a serious mouth breathing problem) an axe murderer and a zombie. How can this shit not be good? TELL ME! TELL ME NOW! Next up we have the two main stars of the movie. For one, if you know ANYTHING about genre films then you will know who Tom Atkins is. He has been in some serious classics such as “The Fog”, “Maniac Cop” and one of my personal favs, “Halloween III: Season of the Witch”. Now he is usually a general dickhead in most of the films he is in, but boy did he turn it up to 11 in this one. The one liners are on point and are almost on an “Ash Williams” (Evil Dead trilogy) level. You’ll be repeating these for at least 10min after the end credits roll. I’ll guarantee “thrill me” will be adding to your already extensive vocabulary you damn dirty apes! Ginger. There is a ginger. That ginger is Jason Lively. He plays the lead and I honestly cannot remember a genre flick where a ginger kid played the lead. Usually the red heads are limited to being in John Hughes movies or delivering lines like “Outlander! We have your woman!.” Hell even Jessica Chastain wore a wig for her role in “Mama”. But it needs to happen more often. Domhnall Gleeson, you’re our only hope. See what I did there? Star Wars: Episode VII? Ugh nevermind. Mr. Lively does a great job of playing the lovable protagonist who will obviously end up with the babe and delivers his lines with enough innocence to make it believable. But it really is Tom Atkins who carries the emotional weight of the film. His back story is set up within the first 5min and you can’t but help feel sorry for the guy from that point on. Another thing this movie does well outside of the brilliant script by Fred Dekker, is it’s ability to take your typical genre tropes and give them a bit of a twist. Usually in a film like this, the sorority chicks are the ones who end up biting the dust. Especially when you throw in an insane and undead axe murder, which that sub-plot gets wrapped up pretty quickly. But here, it’s the frat daddies who kick the bucket. All at the same time. Because a fucking dog is in the middle of the road. You’ll have to watch the movie in order to figure the rest of that out. Essentially, this is a well written script that plays off of the genre’s fun sensibilities but while keeping it very rated R. If you are looking for a fun and enjoyable movie that you can watch with your friends while looking like a human who has impeccable taste in movies that include aliens, serial killers and zombies, then “Night of the Creeps” is definitely an option for you. I’ll leave you with the best quote from the film: Ray says “Well I’ve got good news and bad news girls. Good news is, your dates are here.” Sorority girl says “What’s the bad news?” Ray says “They’re dead.” Check back in next week when I start my John Carpenter series, leading off with “Prince of Darkness”!!!
Hello guys and ghouls! Welcome back to another edition of “The Movie Corner Store.” If you don’t like the name of the blog, then too fucking bad! Today I am reflecting on one of my favorite genre flicks, “The Return of the Living Dead.” Do you know why it’s one of my favs?! Because it has laughs, it has guts (literally…like seriously, this movie is gory) and it’s got a lot of 80’s punk rock! Guys…the 80’s…come on, you know this shit’ll be good! By the end of this, you’ll be kicking yourself for not having seen it yet…or you’ll be hungry for braaaiiinnnsss! For starters, this movie exists in a world where “Night of the Living Dead” was actually a movie, and that movie was actually based on real events! But due to the influence of the Army, George Romero had to change the story to make the Army not look like a bunch of idiots. This movie does not like the Army AT ALL. So right from the get go this flick gets some serious meta bonus points. Also, the method established in the original to kill a zombie is to destroy the brain. Yea fuck that. These zombies take a blow to the brain like Rocky Balboa takes a blow from The Russian. Well, he did end up having severe brain damage by “Rocky V”. But that’s besides the point. These zombies need to be burned. Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t think a single zombie in this movie meets his maker (again…zombie humor). The casting is just terribly on point for this movie as well. For one, we have James Karen playing a hilarious manager of a medical supply warehouse. I mean, we’ve got lines like “watch your tongue boy if you like this job!” Which comes post him and another employee getting blasted with military grade zombie juice! Such a dedicated worker. Then we have “Juwanna Mann” himself, Miguel A. Núñez Jr rocking a serious Lionel Ritchie perm. Who knew a perm could be so punk rock?! But if you read anything about this movie, you’ll definitely hear about Linnea Quigley going full on frontal nude in the beginning of the film. She’ll also do it later in the film, but this time as a zombie. Hey, zombies have the right to feel sexy too, alright? The one major thing this movie has going for it, is how it decided to turn the zombie genre on it’s head. Before this, you have classics like the aforementioned “Night of the Living Dead” and the truly amazing “Dawn of the Dead.” Both of which I’ll be “reflecting” upon once Halloween rolls around. These movies took their shit very seriously and it worked to perfection. Then Dan O’Bannon comes along and completely changes the game. Mr. O’Bannon just so happened to write some other quality genre films such as: “Dead & Buried”; “Alien” (CLASSIC FUCKING MOVIE); “Lifeforce” and “Total Recall” (can I get a “CLASSIC FUCKING MOVIE”?). Obviously, this dude knows what he is doing. He applies his talents and gives a fresh spin on the zombie film. A spin that all horror buffs will rave about and one that hasn’t really been done successfully again until “Zombieland” came along. If I am not mistaken, I only skimmed the movie before writing this (don’t worry, I’ve seen this movie approximately 7 times), the events of the film take place in Louisville, KY. Guess what happens to Louisville, KY in the movie? IT GETS FUCKING NUKED!! That’s right, in this cinematic world, when the military has a problem, the solution is always nuclear weapons. This is obviously the dumbest possible solution ever because a toxic/acid rain descends upon the country spewing the zombie juice on top of it’s graveyards. ZOMBIES 4 LYFE!…that sounds like a petition sign a zombie would be holding up at some sort of zombie rights protest. Guys, if I haven’t made it absolutely crystal clear here, you need to watch this movie. My response to people who say “I don’t like scary movies” is “shut up! Because you’ll probably enjoy this!” And I mean it, the humor comes in droves and the scary bits are pretty mediocre compared the some of the scares in Romero’s earlier work. This is horror film that regular movie goers can get behind. I’ll leave you with the best quote from the movie. Freddy speaking to Burt: “How do you kill something that’s already dead?!” Frank: “It’s not a bad question, Burt!” Tune in next time when I chime in on the forgotten gem “Night of the Creeps” from genre fav Fred Dekker staring everyones favorite loveable sarcastic dickhead, Tom Atkins!
Holy dick this movie turned out to be bat shit crazy! Going in to it I was all like “I might end up turning this off about 45min in” but I came out screaming “my eyes are bleeding from the insanity!!” It is a welcomed surprise when a movie decides mid way through it’s runtime, that it wants to be schizophrenic as fuck and throw in 20 different genre elements that add up to be one hell of a ride. Off the top of my head I can only think of two that pulled this off brilliantly: “Night of the Creeps” and “Lifeforce.” The former involved aliens, zombies, serial killer zombies, cryo-freeze and it wouldn’t be a classic 80’s film without a lovable dork who the hot babe falls in love with. The latter has vampires, aliens and world destruction. I know, you are on Amazon right ordering your DVD copies of both. These aren’t the only genre flicks out there that attempt to do this, but my memory is shit and I can’t think of any more examples. But let me just say without giving too much away is that this little gem would’ve been the offspring of “The Fog”, “Angel Heart” and “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” if having a child between three people was actually a thing…it isn’t right? Anyways, that is what I loved about it. First you think it’s this sleepy ghost story like The Fog, then it throws some voodoo/black magic shit in there, then the word “children” and “seeds” get tossed around. So your natural response should be “what the fuck is happening?” On top of all this greatness is the acting. First off we have James Farentino who you might remember from “Bulletproof” starring Adam Sandler and Damon Wayans. Okay, so you won’t remember that movie and even if you did you probably wouldn’t remember Mr. Farentino. But trust me, this dude straight up destroys the scenery in the utmost dramatic fashion. When you’re the sherif of a town with a population of about 50 (poor guesstimation) and the body count pretty much wipes out the City Council, you better be as stressed out as this guy is throughout the whole film. Then the bodies start disappearing?! If he had any sense of a normal person, he would just leave town and never look back. But it wouldn’t be much of a movie if that happened now would it? Second off, the creepy ass coroner is played by your favorite geriatric grandpa, Jack Albertson. You might remember him from a little movie called, “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” Remember that scene where him and his grandson drink the soda, then proceed to float towards a most gruesome and painful death via an unnecessarily large industrial fan? I think they cut them dying from the theatrical cut. But I’ve heard rumors that a Directors Cut exists and…well…they die. Side note: did anyone see (probably not) that the Halloween 6: Producer’s Cut has been remastered and added to the Halloween Box Set?! I feel like Indiana Jones when he found the Holy Grail!! Okay I got sidetracked, at any rate, his coroner character in this movie gives off just enough creepiness to keep him in your “Suspect Rolodex” but innocent enough to think that no way this guy could be reanimating these corpses. A little golden nugget in this movie is that Freddy Kruger himself, Robert Englund, makes an appearance. But this is the pre-sweater Robert Englund so don’t get your hopes up for any cheesy one-liners like “Yee-haw! This boy feels the need for speed.” He doesn’t play a major role besides being a creepy asshole, but if he can play to perfection a paedophile serial killer in “A Nightmare on Elm Street”, he can pretty much pull anything off. Another thing this movie does well, is that even though it shows its hand (poker reference) right from the get go, it is a complete cheat and has a second hand underneath the table. It’s a ballsy move that definitely pays off in the end. HEY GUYS I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS MOVIE! I’d say check in next week for another edition of this blog, but the frequency of these posts could come at a rapid pace. I have so many genre flicks to blab about!